What It Is Page 6

  Aron laughed and said, “Yeah, I’m pretty trusting! But seriously, if you’re Justin’s friend, then you’re my friend and you won’t be sleeping on the street if I can help it. You can tell me what happened with the military when I get back. For right now, just know that you have a place to sleep, there’s food in the fridge, and I’ll run home before I leave and leave the door unlocked for you, and I’ll leave the key under the mat.”

  “Aron, thank you so much. You have no idea what you have just done for me.” I was tearing up again but this time it was not out of sadness or pain, it was pure joy. I felt like God had shut one door and opened another for me, and although I was only guaranteed a place to stay for a couple of weeks, it was better than dragging myself back home and crawling back to Mom or Richard admitting defeat.

  “Awe. Stop it. I’ll go home now and unlock the door. I’ll call and check in on you later on this evening; just have Justin drop you back at the apartment before he heads out of town.” Aron stopped. “Justin isn’t living with me too, is he? He made it in, right?”

  I laughed out loud. “No, it will just be me. Thank you so much, Aron.”

  “I’ll call you tonight,” Aron said. He hung up the phone, and I handed the receiver back to the woman behind the counter and turned to Justin and threw my arms around his neck.

  “It’s OK! He’s going to let me crash there for a couple of weeks!” Justin put his arms around me and said, “I still don’t feel good about it, Sarah. I feel responsible for you, and I’m leaving you here by yourself with a guy you just met.” He pulled away and looked me in the eyes. “Are you sure that you are OK with this? I can work something out with the navy, maybe put basic off for a couple of weeks…”

  “Justin, stop! You aren’t putting off the navy! I will be fine. Didn’t you say that there was a private university in this town and a community college? I can just go to school.” I had already started to formulate my plan for getting out of Aron’s apartment in a couple of weeks; I didn’t want to become a burden to someone I had just met, and I didn’t want to have to rely on anyone to help me anymore. I wasn’t afraid of doing this by myself; in fact, I felt stronger and more sure of myself than ever. I had a high school diploma and a small college scholarship in my back pocket, and I thought that would be a start or a foot in the door to a good, paying job.

  “All right, Sarah, let’s go to my car,” Justin said, and we walked out the front doors and into the parking lot.

  “What the hell are you going to do with your car?” I asked Justin.

  “Well, I was going to drive to MEPS with you and my sister was going to pick it up for me on her way back from college. But since you aren’t going with me…” His voice trailed off and he stopped in his tracks. “Sarah, are you sure about this? I just feel so badly about what happened in there. If I knew that would happen I would have never gotten your hopes up.”

  I rolled my eyes; I understood Justin’s concern and why he felt guilty but I was already tired of him questioning my judgment. “Justin, it’s fine. Aron’s not even in town until Monday so that will give me time to be by myself and take care of college applications or job applications.”

  Justin nodded. “I know you’ll be OK, Sarah, I just worry about you, that’s all. So, that’s why I’m leaving you my car. I’ll ride the bus to MEPS with everyone else and just have my sister pick up the car from Aron’s on her way back home later this week.”

  “Oh, Justin, you don’t have to do that.” I was taken aback by this act of kindness and Justin’s continued show of generosity.

  “Yes I do, Sarah, so please don’t argue and just accept it. At least this way you’ll have a chance to get around and visit the colleges tomorrow or fill out some job applications without worrying about a ride.” Before I could open my mouth to thank him, Justin gave me a slap on the back. “Come on, help me unload my duffle bag from the trunk and I’ll draw you a map back to Aron’s.”

  Once Justin’s bags had been unloaded and he had drawn me directions back to Aron’s apartment I gave him a final hug before I got into the driver’s seat and prepared to pull out. “Thank you so much, Justin; you saved my life,” I said tearfully.

  “No, I just gave you a ride,” he said with a smile on his face. “I’ll be back from basic in a few weeks and I’ll be checking in on you, deal?”

  “Deal” I said, and I backed up and waved good-bye to one of the best friends I ever had or ever would have.

  Justin’s directions back to Aron’s apartment were extremely easy so it took me less than ten minutes to drive the few miles back. I saw that Aron’s car was gone from his parking space and I felt a tinge of disappointment at not being able to see him or talk to him before he left. I parked the car and lugged my Hefty bags back up the same stairs I had taken the day before to apartment sixteen. I looked under the doormat and Aron had kept his word: underneath was his house key and wrapped around it was a hundred-dollar bill. What a decent guy, I thought as I let myself in.

  Once the door shut behind me, it hit me how alone I was. I had woken up that morning thinking I was going to be on a bus or in Justin’s car to MEPS to join the military and leave forever; and here I stood now, unwanted by the military and crashing in the apartment of a guy I had met less than one day ago. I waited to feel scared and to start weeping about how lonely I was, but the scared feeling never came and my eyes remained dry. I was confident that I would be able to find my way and make the best out of my current situation.

  I had just unpacked one of my Hefty bags and put a frozen pizza into the oven when I heard the shrill ring of Aron’s phone. I hesitated, not knowing if it was appropriate to pick up his phone, and then remembered that Aron had said he would call me that evening.

  “Hello?” I said hesitantly into the phone’s receiver.

  “Hey! You aren’t going through my underwear drawer are you?” Aron’s voice sound so joyful and happy, the sound of it made my heart light.

  “Not yet,” I said. “Aron, you didn’t have to leave that money for me; there was enough food here, and Justin lent me his car until his sister picks it up…”

  “Oh good! No one stole the money; I was freaking out about that the entire drive down here. Did you get in OK? Did you eat dinner?”

  I couldn’t answer Aron’s tirade of questions fast enough. “Aron,” I interrupted, “I’m fine and thank you so much for letting me stay. I promise it won’t be for long.”

  “Sarah,” Aron responded, “I’m not putting you out on the street. You take all the time you need.” Hearing those words come out of Aron’s mouth meant the world to me; it meant that I could focus on me and my future with no strings attached to anything or anyone. “Have a good night, honey, and I’ll be back Monday night and we can talk more then.”

  I spent the next few days living for myself for the first time in my life. I went to the local community college and enrolled in a business program; I went to the library to create my first resume and walked right into the human resources departments of the largest corporations in town to personally introduce myself; I went where I wanted when I wanted and didn’t worry about answering to anyone. Aron made it a point to call and check in on me every night, and I found myself looking more and more forward to hearing his voice every evening before I went to sleep.

  Aron came home on Monday evening as promised and we spent the entire night talking about what I had done while he was gone and the jobs I had applied for. Talking with Aron came so comfortably to me, and I never got the feeling that he was trying to get me into bed; all I felt from Aron was genuine concern for my well-being. We agreed that I would sleep on the pullout couch in the living room while he was there during the week, and Aron insisted that I pay none of the bills, even if I got a job right away.

  “Focus on yourself, Sarah. You don’t need to worry about paying me for rent or power; trust me, I know what it’s like to wake up one day and suddenly be on your own. You don’t have to worry about me pressuring you for anything.�
�� Aron had lifted the weight off of my shoulders.

  For the next six months Aron and I lived together as friends. During the week while he was gone, I attended day classes at the local community college and continued to apply for jobs until I landed a data entry position at the largest corporation in town. Aron was home just a couple of days each week, which was wonderful for me at first, but as the weeks went on, I found myself missing him more and more, and I began to count down the days and hours until he would be home again.

  When Aron was home, it was absolutely wonderful. We would spend the entire evening talking and laughing and getting to know every detail about each other. I spent hours listening to Aron describe the beautiful pieces of jewelry he made on a daily basis and became entranced by the passion he felt for his craft. I got the opportunity to spend some time with Aron and his son on the rare occasions that Aron was allowed to see him, and the love and kindness he demonstrated toward his child made my heart melt. I had never met anyone like him, and being around him made me feel so alive and secure that eventually I was able to share my dark secret with him.

  As Aron learned more and more about my past, he started to become extremely protective of me. The once-a-day phone calls turned into morning, noon, and night calls. He starting calling me at work just to say “hi” and would send me flowers weekly. I started to travel to whatever town he was doing a remount show in every weekend and we would go out to eat and go to dance clubs together; but at the end of the night, we still slept in separate beds and Aron never once expected anything out of me but my friendship.

  Aron expected friendship and I, on the other hand, had fallen head over heels in love. The more time I spent with him the more I wanted him for myself and the more I wanted to spend my life with him. I didn’t know if he had girlfriends on the road, but since I had been traveling with him, it had just been me with him in the hotel room at night and I was the one he had his eyes on in the clubs. I got the opportunity to see him as a father and appreciate him for the wonderful parent he was and feel the passion he had for his career. He was everything I had ever wanted and I had to tell Aron how I felt. It was a chance, but one I was willing to take. If he said he felt the same way it would be absolutely wonderful; but if he didn’t feel the same way I did, then it is what it is. I had a job, I was still taking classes at college at night, and I could feasibly afford to have my own place and live on my own. So a rejection from Aron, although it would hurt me deeply, would not be the end of the world.

  I chose to tell Aron how I felt over a plate of nachos at a local Mexican restaurant. My palms were sweating and I had a hard time keeping eye contact with Aron, which immediately put him on alert.

  “Sarah, what’s wrong with you? Look at me!”

  I forced myself to lock eyes with him and I simply said, “I love you.” I didn’t think I needed to say more than that; I figured that he knew me well enough to know how difficult that was for me to say, and I was right. He got up from the opposite side of the booth and ran around to squeeze in next to me and he held me tight.

  “God, I’ve wanted to say that for so long!” He buried his face in my hair. “I didn’t want to come off as some pervert or push you into something you didn’t want.” He lifted his face up and looked at me. “Sarah, I wanted you from the first moment I saw you in my apartment parking lot.” He stroked the side of my face. “You are so beautiful and I wanted to know you and know everything about you. Once I got to know you and saw you were just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside, I knew I couldn’t let you go.”

  Aron got back up and walked back around to his side of the table and sat down. I reached out and grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. “The circumstances as to how we met are so absurd, Aron…” My voice trailed off and I couldn’t find the words to express my feelings to him.

  “All I want to do is hold you and protect you, Sarah. You tell me these horrible things your mother did to you and all I can think of is my mom and how she would just die if she knew what happened to you. What you went through is not normal and it wasn’t right and as long as I’m here, no one will ever hurt you like that again.” Aron squeezed my hand back and said the words I had been dying to hear. “I love you too.”

  ***

  I opened my eyes and lifted my head off of Aron’s shoulder. I thought of my desperate pleas to God as a little child for Him to swoop out of Heaven and take me away from Mom forever, and as I looked at Aron and the way that the sunlight was hitting him at that moment, his image made me realize that God did send an angel to save me, and he was standing right in front of me. My pleas to Him may have seem unanswered at the time, but maybe I had to go through everything I did so I could be with this wonderful man at this very moment.

  “Let’s go home,” I said, and we began our trek back home to apartment sixteen.

  Chapter 4

  My Dad Sam

  Things in my life couldn’t have been better. Aron and I were approaching our fourth year together, I was quickly proving my office skills to my bosses, rapidly moving up the corporate ladder in the accounts payable department, and I was just a little over six months away from finishing my bachelor’s degree. We still lived in apartment sixteen, and it wasn’t too long after Aron and I had expressed our feelings for each other that Aron worked out a deal with his company to go off of the road and become a full-time, in-town corporate jeweler.

  Once Aron got off of the road and was able to be home every night of the week, we contacted a free legal aid department, went to court on our own, and obtained the right to have twice-a-week visitation with Aron’s three-year-old son, Ryan. Ryan was a joy to be around, and the times the three of us spent together were absolutely wonderful, but I was very careful to portray myself as a babysitter or someone “fun” to Ryan. I was not ready or comfortable to assume any sort of parenting role at that point in my life.

  Emily moved out of Richard’s house and married a young man she had graduated high school with. She moved with him to North Carolina when he joined the military. It wasn’t long after she moved that the daily phone calls to me began. She was lonely and isolated without any family or a friend to take care of her while her husband was away for days or weeks at a time. As I sat and listened to her, I was reminded of how I’d felt at the farmhouse with Matt, and just as I was about to open my mouth to give her some sisterly advice, I would hear a beep.

  “Oh, it’s Mom. I’ve got to go,” Emily would say before she hung up.

  Knowing Mom was just on the other end of the phone made me sick on the inside. You aren’t alone, and you have no idea what it is like to be alone! I would think angrily. I was extremely jealous of the mother-daughter bond they continued to have, and I found myself often skipping meals after phone calls with my sister in an attempt to cope with the empty feeling I had in my heart. Emily eventually divorced her husband and chose to move into Mom’s new house where Mom and her new husband lived. Once Emily moved back in with Mom, the phone calls abruptly stopped and I was again the black sheep of the family.

  But the emptiness that I felt in my heart because of my family was always filled by the love Aron showered me with on a daily basis. Being with Aron made me want to be a better person, and instead of falling into a depression or falling fully back into my anorexic habits after I lost touch with Emily, I strove to make him proud. I asked Aron for help in finding other ways to channel my emotions, and his response was to go out and purchase me my first pair of rollerblades.

  “What did you get me these for?” I asked as I held the shiny silver pair of rollerblades up in front of me.

  “If I have a bad day I know a good sweat makes me feel better, and these are cheaper than a gym membership,” Aron responded.

  I was dubious at first but when I snapped those buckles down onto my feet and rollerbladed my first mile on the local bike trail, I was hooked. It was the feeling of flying through the air without my feet ever leaving the ground, and I felt euphoric by the time I reached th
e end of my first mile. Rollerblading made me feel happy and strong, and I soon began rollerblading miles every night after work and going on longer treks on the weekends. I started to become physically toned, and muscles began to form on my arms and legs. As I became stronger on the outside, I also started to become stronger on the inside. I started to really like the person I saw in the mirror and began to believe Aron when he told me how beautiful I was. I stopped starving myself to cope with my feelings of emptiness, instead choosing to strap on my rollerblades and sweat out my frustrations. Rollerblading was my way to maintain an emotional balance in a healthy manner.

  One warm summer day, Aron and I had just finished another ten-mile rollerblading trip. We sat on the concrete curb next to the entrance of the bike trail and began to unstrap the buckles.

  “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Let’s get a burger or something,” Aron said as he took his rollerblades off and laced up his sneakers.

  “Sounds great to me!” My stomach was growling and a bacon cheeseburger would definitely hit the spot. We walked back to our car, threw our rollerblades into the trunk, and headed to a local burger joint. “Oh, we can’t go through a drive-through? I look terrible!” I pulled down the passenger-side mirror and hastily smoothed my ponytail and wiped the sweat off of my face.

  “Oh God, Sarah, it’s just a burger. Besides, I think you look hot, so who cares what anyone else thinks?”

  I pushed the mirror back up and smiled. “You are such a dork!” I laughed.

  Aron parked the car and we got out and walked inside. The restaurant was fairly busy that day; numerous people waited in line while customers standing to the side impatiently tapped their feet and checked their watches.

  “Are you sure you want to stay here?” I asked.